him-“what’s wrong? I feel like you hate me.”

whatever gave you that idea? could it be how i pushed you away when you tried to hug me, or hows about when you kissed your hand and tried to place it on my cheek and i pushed your arm away and glared at you. or when you’d be walking up behind me and i would speed up to get away from you. not wanting to make eye contact with you because just looking at you made my heart crumble into pieces. seeing you with her made me want to tear out my eyes and scream at the top of my lungs from the pain i felt. my stomach twisting and turning feeling like i wanted to throw up. spill my guts out and just die. what on earth made you think bringing her would be a good idea? you must have known how it would make me feel. though of course, you must not give a damn about me anymore. I already felt like crap but this was just pushed me over the edge. I wish i could forget about you so as to not feel this pain in my heart anymore, but i can’t tho i keep trying. I wish i could move on, but its easier said than done. But all this just made me feel like my world crumbling beneath my feet again and you were just there letting me fall. I’m lucky I have one person who i can always count on to help me piece my world back together. if not for my best friend, I don’t know what would become of me. 

sorry for the long rant but I feel like im in my own personal hell it just keeps getting worse. 2013 you are not off to a good start.

I feel like jumping on a plane and leaving, somewhere, anywhere. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Why do I feel so unhappy? I’ve got a decent job, going to school to get a better job, great friends and family, I feel like I’m spoiled and yet I’m not happy. I don’t desire any materialistic items, it’s nothing like that. I just feel like something is missing in my life. But I don’t know what it is. :/ I hate feeling like this. When I’m with friends I’m alright. I manage to fake a smile like everything is fine and dandy. and i do enjoy spending time with them but I still have that empty feeling inside. and when I’m home alone the thought of the emptiness I feel is all I can think about. I miss my best friend Bowie. He’s the only one that really gets me and is always there for me, soon he’ll be back in cali, and hopfully he can help me feel like me again. Till then, I guess I can do nothing else but endure.